Jeffrey van Leeuwen Podcast

Is family court protecting you or enabling abuse? In this episode, high-conflict divorce coach Lisa Johnson of Been There Got Out breaks down how “legal abuse” and coercive control play out in real cases, and why smart strategy (and not just righteousness) wins in court. Drawing from her own litigation (including arguing an appeal herself that resulted in a published decision in the Connecticut Law Journal), Lisa shows how to navigate a system that often rewards gamesmanship over truth.

We talk about:

1. What legal abuse and “legal gaslighting” look like day-to-day—and how to keep your footing when the other side twists facts.
2. The discipline of “writing for the invisible audience”: turning every message into admissible evidence, building a clean paper trail, and avoiding reactive traps.
3. Going pro se: when it’s viable, preparation pitfalls, and how courts actually perceive self-represented litigants.
4. Enforcement that works: why “orders with teeth” (deadlines and consequences) matter more than ideal rulings—and how to push for them.
5. Jennifer’s Law and the shift toward recognizing coercive control, expanding the legal lens beyond physical violence.
6. A hard-earned case study: college-education obligations, repeated contempt findings, and the grind of appeals—plus the practical mindset that gets results without losing yourself.

If you’re facing a high-conflict ex, custody battles, or a court process that feels endless, Lisa’s playbook offers clarity, language, and leverage you can use immediately.

Thank you for listening.

 

SHOW LINKS:

Support the Show on: Patreon

Listen to the Podcast on: YouTube | Apple | Spotify

Follow us on: X | Reddit | Instagram | LinkedIn

 

OUTLINE:

00:00 Introduction

01:33 Lisa's Background

04:14 Early Red Flags

06:42 The Discovery and Denial

11:03 Telling the Kids

12:31 Betrayal Trauma & Identity Shock

20:15 Couples Counseling Gone Wrong

25:39 Why He Fought to Keep Control

33:14 Filing for Divorce & His Exit

41:23 Fighting for College Support & Enforcement

50:38 Going Pro Se & Facing Retaliation

57:32 How to Persuade a Court: Logos, Pathos, Ethos

1:10:05 Legal Gaslighting & Getting Help

1:16:21 Strategic Communication: Build Your Paper Trail

1:20:02 Proving You’re a Good Parent

1:24:44 Shielding Kids From Court Conflict

1:27:18 Jennifer’s Law, Coercive Control & Orders With Teeth

1:35:43 From Survivor to Coach

1:45:02 Key Advice for Listeners

1:47:00 Final Thoughts & Outro

 

LISA JOHNSON LINKS:

Been There Got Out Website

Been There Got Out on Instagram

Been There Got Out on X

 

CONTACT LINKS:

Click here to come on the podcast, share feedback, ask a question, or reach out for any other reason.

 

This episode has been co-produced by Kate van Leeuwen.

Joshua Spatha majored in anthropology with a minor in Old Testament studies and has served in full-time missions since 2006, primarily across the Middle East and Asia. An ordained minister and disciple‑maker with Youth With A Mission (YWAM), Joshua blends frontline ministry with academic insight, as he prepares for long-term ministry in Central Asia.

In our conversation, you'll hear how Western culture’s reliance on materialism and humanism has fueled a deep meaning crisis, and why happiness alone no longer sustains us. Joshua shares compelling analogies to illustrate how adopting a self‑centered framework inevitably leads to emptiness and incoherence. He challenges the question, “What’s in it for me?” as the wrong foundation.

This episode is not just about morality: it’s about how reason and spiritual depth intertwine, why faith isn’t a blind leap, and how a rational embrace of the supernatural reclaims meaning.

Thank you for listening.

 

SHOW LINKS:

Support the Show on: Patreon

Listen to the Podcast on: YouTube | Apple | Spotify

Follow us on: X | Reddit | Instagram | LinkedIn

 

OUTLINE:

00:00 Introduction

01:44 The Modern Meaning Crisis

07:48 Enlightenment’s Impact on Faith

11:23 From Religion to Self-Focus

14:55 Science, Truth & Worldviews

20:02 Personal Meaning vs Objective Reality

31:45 Christianity’s Case for Human Flourishing

36:49 Secular Morality Under the Microscope

44:42 Chaos, Materialism & Ethics

01:07:16 Implicit Spirituality & Cognitive Dissonance

01:16:29 The Universal Conscience

01:19:29 Free Will and Belief Change

01:53:39 Miracles: Chance or Design?

02:22:05 Practicing and Testing Faith

02:32:47 Final Thoughts & Outro

 

JOSHUA SPATHA LINKS:

Joshua's Website & Book

 

CONTACT LINKS:

Click here to come on the podcast, share feedback, ask a question, or reach out for any other reason.

 

This episode has been co-produced by Kate van Leeuwen.

Andrew-Ryan Profaci thought he found spiritual truth, but instead became entangled in the bizarre world of a modern cult known as “Love Has Won.” Driven by curiosity and a deep desire for meaning, Andrew-Ryan quickly rose from outsider to insider, witnessing firsthand the manipulation tactics of cult leader Amy Carlson, referred to by members as “Mother God,” whom he once cared for deeply.

 

In this raw and honest conversation, we talk about: 

- What initially drew Andrew to the cult known as "Love Has Won."

- A vivid portrayal of daily life within the cult.

- The leadership’s layered control tactics and massive financial exploitation.

- An individual who secretly orchestrated and controlled the cult behind the scenes.

- What really happened before and directly after Amy Carlson’s death, and why Andrew now speaks out.

 

SHOW LINKS:

Support the Show on: Patreon

Listen to the Podcast on: YouTube | Apple | Spotify

Follow us on: X | Reddit | Instagram | LinkedIn

 

OUTLINE:

00:00 Introduction

02:26 What Is “Love Has Won”?

04:09 From Community to Cult

06:11 The Origins: Amy Carlson’s Intentions

09:47 Andrew’s Journey Begins

11:08 Searching for Meaning: Why People Join

15:41 Missing Self-Love and Authenticity

17:42 Manipulation & Control Tactics

18:57 Patterns in Cult Dynamics

23:51 Daily Life Inside the Cult

27:46 Recruitment and Indoctrination Process

30:26 Cult Hierarchy

33:10 Andrew’s Inner Conflict: Amy vs. “Mother God”

40:51 How Media Portrayed Amy Carlson

43:16 Behind the Persona: Why Amy Became “Mother God”

48:19 Miguel Lamboy: The "Hidden Hand"

56:03 Andrew vs. Miguel: The Proxy War

58:06 Challenging Amy’s Delusions

01:05:37 Descent into Darkness: Cult’s Final Days

01:13:23 Did Resistance Make Things Worse?

01:16:29 The Consequences of Leaving “Love Has Won”

01:23:34 Redefining Love and Trust

01:28:18 Amy’s Death: Tragedy & Questions Unanswered

01:42:48 Amy: Victim or Perpetrator?

01:47:36 Final Words to Amy

01:49:00 Why Andrew Speaks Out

01:55:59 Final Thoughts

 

ANDREW-RYAN PROFACI LINKS:

Andrew's Website & Books

Andrew's Instagram

Andrew's LinkedIn

 

CONTACT LINKS:

Click here to come on the podcast, share feedback, ask a question, or reach out for any other reason.

 

This episode has been co-produced by Kate van Leeuwen.

 

After decades of guiding couples through their most challenging moments, Dr. Bruce Chalmer understands what truly brings relationships to life. With a deeply personal journey from statistics to psychology, Bruce discovered that helping couples navigate intimacy, stability, and the complexities of forgiveness wasn’t just a profession. It was a calling.

In our conversation, Bruce explores profound insights on what makes relationships thrive or fail. He thoughtfully challenges common assumptions, offering the provocative question: “Do you feel alive in your relationship?” Bruce delves into why many couples drift apart, becoming roommates instead of romantic partners, and how they can rekindle lost connections. We also explore how infidelity, while deeply traumatic, can paradoxically create opportunities for renewed intimacy and trust.

This episode is a meditation on the meaning of commitment, why marriage matters very deeply, and how embracing the discomfort of honesty can lead couples toward genuine fulfillment and emotional closeness.

Thank you for listening.

 

SHOW LINKS:

Support the Show on: Patreon

Listen to the Podcast on: YouTube | Apple | Spotify

Follow us on: X | Reddit | Instagram | LinkedIn

 

OUTLINE:

00:00 Introduction

01:55 Discovering a Calling in Relationship Therapy

04:13 Career Transitions and Finding Purpose

06:04 Couples Therapy vs. Relationship Therapy: Clarifying Terms

07:55 Coaching vs. Therapy: The Real Differences

09:46 How Couples Therapy Actually Works

12:34 Marriage as a Path to Growth

17:28 Why Marriage Rates Are Declining

21:53 Cultural and Economic Reasons Behind Fewer Marriages

29:22 Why We Still Romanticize Marriage

31:52 Stability vs. Intimacy in Relationships

39:02 Emotional Bank Accounts in Marriage

41:20 Why Being Annoyed is Actually Good

45:10 Understanding the True Value of Marriage

51:16 The Difference Between a Contract and a Covenant

56:33 The Psychological Damage of Infidelity

01:00:06 Forgiveness, Trust, and Moving Forward

01:09:35 Why Faith is Essential in Relationships

01:12:03 Are Humans Biologically Monogamous?

01:20:41 How Do I Know if I’m a Good Partner?

01:32:45 How Can You Tell if a Marriage is Fundamentally Healthy?

01:34:43 When Relationships Feel Like Roommates

01:40:36 Reaching Heaven by Passing Through Hell

01:51:31 When to Seek Couples Therapy

01:58:09 What Relationships Truly Represent

02:05:44 Final Thoughts

 

BRUCE CHALMER LINKS:

Bruce's Website & Books

Couples Therapy in Seven Words Podcast (Apple)

Couples Therapy in Seven Words Podcast (Spotify)

 

CONTACT LINKS:

Click here to come on the podcast, share feedback, ask a question, or reach out for any other reason.

 

This episode has been co-produced by Kate van Leeuwen.

What does true evil look like? And how do you confront it face-to-face? In this raw conversation with Brad Beeler, who served as a Special Agent for the United States Secret Service for 25 years, we explore his extraordinary career confronting humanity’s darkest crimes, especially those involving children. Brad reveals a rarely-seen side of the United States Secret Service, reflecting deeply on his experiences as a polygraph examiner, where he faced some of the most malicious individuals imaginable.

In our conversation, we also discuss:

• Why empathy can become a crucial weapon in interrogations, even with society’s worst criminals.
• How international cooperation enabled Brad and his team to crack complex child exploitation cases.
• The subtle psychological strategies used to identify deception, gain trust, and ultimately reveal truth.
• The chilling realities of interacting with truly evil individuals, and what Brad learned about the darkest corners of human behavior.

Brad’s story is profoundly human, exploring the complex layers of morality, ethical boundaries, and personal resilience required to confront humanity’s most troubling personalities.

Thank you for listening.

 

EPISODE LINKS:

Buy Tell Me Everything (Book)

 

By using this link, we earn commission from qualifying purchases.

 

SHOW LINKS:

Support the Show on: Patreon

Listen to the Podcast on: YouTube | Apple | Spotify

Follow us on: X | Reddit | Instagram | LinkedIn

 

OUTLINE:

00:00 Introduction

02:19 Brad’s Most Proud Career Achievement

03:09 Secret Service Beyond Presidential Protection

05:31 Future of Secret Service Investigations

06:55 Inside the Trump Assassination Attempts

10:22 Debunking Trump Assassination Conspiracies

14:21 Conspiracy Theories and Media Polarization

16:53 Strategies for Distinguishing Truth from Falsehood

20:03 Building Trust and Rapport

23:38 The Role of Empathy in Criminal Investigations

41:58 The Psychological Cost of Interviewing Criminals

46:13 Combating Child Exploitation: Global Collaboration

49:00 Navigating Legal Complexities in International Law Enforcement

50:32 Four Key Behavioral Analysis Questions

01:00:12 Detecting Deception in Interviews

01:15:34 Negotiation Techniques: Tactical Empathy & Body Language

01:28:38 Recognizing Manipulation and Assessing Intentions

01:33:00 Does True Evil Exist?

01:40:57 Brad’s Perspective on Humanity

01:44:14 Overcoming Personal and Professional Setbacks

01:46:32 “Tell Me Everything”: Brad’s Upcoming Book

01:47:36 Final Thoughts

 

BRAD BEELER LINKS:

Brad's LinkedIn

Brad's Instagram 

 

CONTACT LINKS:

Click here to come on the podcast, share feedback, ask a question, or reach out for any other reason.

 

This episode has been co-produced by Kate van Leeuwen.

In a vulnerable and deeply reflective conversation, personal growth coach Kristan Swan and Jeffrey delve into a quiet fear that most of us carry: the anxiety about being misunderstood or misrepresented by others. Through candid storytelling and authentic introspection, Kristan shares how the shadows of past experiences and the fear of judgment often hinder our ability to form meaningful connections and trust in relationships.

The episode moves organically through themes of nostalgia, self-awareness, curiosity, and spirituality, exploring how each plays a role in our perceptions of self and our courage to authentically engage with others. This is a conversation without a clear angle, yet circles around how to navigate conversations and relationships with honesty and genuine empathy.

Thank you for listening.

 

SHOW LINKS:

Support the Show on: Patreon

Listen to the Podcast on: YouTube | Apple | Spotify

Follow us on: X | Reddit | Instagram | LinkedIn

 

OUTLINE:

00:00 Introduction

05:31 The Problem With Asking “What Do You Do?”

07:37 Societal Undervaluation of Motherhood

13:49 The Human Need for Connection

15:26 Embracing Spontaneous Conversations

24:20 Polarization and the Desire for Belonging

26:57 Why We Struggle to Change Our Minds

34:42 Navigating Opposing Truths

36:11 The Danger of Nostalgia

54:56 Defining Nostalgia

01:01:19 The Nature of Spirituality

01:08:36 Secular Spirituality and Trusting Yourself

01:17:38 Allowing Yourself to Feel Fully

01:25:37 Loneliness and the Need to Be Heard

01:33:47 What Do You Love About Life?

01:34:51 Final Thoughts

 

KRISTAN SWAN LINKS:

Kristan's Website

 

CONTACT LINKS:

Click here to come on the podcast, share feedback, ask a question, or reach out for any other reason.

 

This episode has been co-produced by Kate van Leeuwen.

Joel Bouchard, philosophy podcaster and author of From Nowhere to Nothing, joins me for an intellectually intense exploration into some of life’s deepest philosophical dilemmas. In this episode, Joel skillfully unpacks intricate issues like the nature of good and evil, whether humans are inherently moral beings, and if true free will even exists.

In our conversation, we talk about:

• Why free will might be more limited than you think.
• The hidden paradox within the concept of an all-knowing, all-good deity and the existence of evil.
• How humans naturally strive to make order from chaos, both externally in the world and internally in their minds.
• The surprising psychology behind why people struggle with discipline and sticking to personal decisions.
• Whether morality is inherently programmed or learned from our environment, relationships, and experiences.

Thank you for listening.

 

SHOW LINKS:

Support the Show on: Patreon

Listen to the Podcast on: YouTube | Apple | Spotify

Follow us on: X | Reddit | Instagram | LinkedIn

 

OUTLINE:

00:00 Introduction

02:12 Who Is Joel Bouchard?

03:53 What Philosophy Actually Is

07:09 Implicit vs Explicit Philosophy

10:09 Is Life Worth Living?

13:40 Religion, Atheism, and Nihilism

17:21 Hedonism and Absurdism

21:17 The Psychology of Belief

28:08 A Personal Story of Loss

31:50 Symbolism and Rituals in Human Life

39:45 The Ethical Debate Around Pets

45:52 Defining Good and Evil

51:06 Why Does Evil Exist?

01:13:15 Free Will vs Limited Will

01:25:14 Where Does Consciousness Come From?

01:29:37 The Nature of Conscience

01:47:00 Is Life Deterministic or Not?

02:00:12 The Magpie and Meaningful Coincidences

02:11:57 Final Thoughts & Outro

 

JOEL BOUCHARD LINKS:

From Nowhere to Nothing Podcast (Spotify)

From Nowhere to Nothing Podcast (Apple)

 

CONTACT LINKS:

Click here to come on the podcast, share feedback, ask a question, or reach out for any other reason.

 

This episode has been co-produced by Kate van Leeuwen.

Is everyone suddenly a narcissist, or are we misusing the term? Dr. Sterlin Mosley, Professor of Human Relations and author of The Narcissist in You and Everyone Else, dives deep into the misunderstood realms of narcissism and empathy. Through an eye-opening conversation, Sterlin reveals why our culture casually labels selfish behaviors as narcissistic, and why real narcissism goes much deeper, intertwining with empathy. Or rather, the lack of it.

In our conversation, you’ll discover:

1. Why modern society sees NARCISSISM as a PERSONALITY TYPE instead of a nuanced SPECTRUM of behaviors.
2. How narcissistic traits form EMOTIONAL ARMOR protecting a hidden, VULNERABLE core.
3. The critical difference between EMPATHY and SYMPATHY, including four surprising types of empathy you never knew existed.
4. Proven STRATEGIES for spotting and dealing with narcissists both at home and at work.
5. How EMPATHY can be developed, and why COGNITIVE EMPATHY may be the key to healthier relationships.

Thank you for listening.

 

EPISODE LINKS:

Buy Center of the Universe (Book)

Buy The Narcissist in You and Everyone Else (Book)

 

By using these links, we earn commission from qualifying purchases.

 

SHOW LINKS:

Support the Show on: Patreon

Listen to the Podcast on: YouTube | Apple | Spotify

Follow us on: X | Reddit | Instagram | LinkedIn

 

OUTLINE:

00:00 Introduction

01:10 Who is Sterlin Mosley?

04:41 The Narcissist Label in Modern Society

08:37 Breaking Down the 27 Types of Narcissists

12:24 How to Identify a Narcissist: Common Misunderstandings

20:11 Strategies for Dealing with Different Narcissists

27:57 Do Narcissists Know They’re Narcissists?

35:49 Healthy Narcissism Explained

39:54 Is Narcissism a Choice?

47:47 Can Narcissism Be Cured or Managed?

52:53 Empathy vs. Sympathy: Clarifying the Differences

58:24 Narcissism, Envy, and Power Dynamics

01:04:11 Understanding Empathy: Definitions and Nuances

01:10:20 Cognitive Empathy and Human Connection

01:19:39 Practical Steps to Develop Your Empathy

01:24:24 Final Thoughts & Outro

 

STERLIN MOSLEY LINKS:

Sterlin's LinkedIn

Sterlin's Instagram

 

CONTACT LINKS:

Click here to come on the podcast, share feedback, ask a question, or reach out for any other reason.

 

This episode has been co-produced by Kate van Leeuwen.

 

In this heartfelt conversation, clinical psychologist Dr. Alison Greco challenges modern assumptions about emotional distress, uncovering why our everyday struggles with grief, anxiety, and life transitions shouldn’t be hastily labeled as disorders. Drawing on her experiences from prisons to college counseling and community mental health, Alison reveals an overlooked truth: not every emotional struggle is a pathology needing therapy. She shares eye-opening insights about how our current healthcare system forces therapists into diagnosing individuals simply to secure insurance coverage, and how this creates false narratives about our mental health.

In this episode you’ll learn:

- Why OVER-PATHOLOGIZING emotions like grief, stress, and exhaustion is BAD.

- How emotionally IMMATURE parents NEGATIVELY influence their children’s development.

- Practical ways to GENUINELY support someone during difficult life transitions without ASSUMING their emotional state.

- The untold risks of MISLABELING CHILDREN with disorders such as AUTISM or ADHD due to misunderstanding their true needs.

- How finding a MENTOR with a BIGGER VISION for you than you have for yourself can transform your life and career.

This conversation sheds much-needed light on understanding human emotions authentically, while redefining how we seek and offer emotional support.

Thank you for listening.

 

SHOW LINKS:

Support the Show on: Patreon

Listen to the Podcast on: YouTube | Apple | Spotify

Follow us on: X | Reddit | Instagram | LinkedIn

 

OUTLINE:

00:00 Introduction

01:08 Alison’s Background

08:10 Are We Over-Pathologizing Feelings?

13:17 Grief, Gender & Emotional Expression

22:18 Clean vs Dirty Pain

24:38 Helping Loved Ones in Crisis

33:28 Diagnoses, DSM-5 & Autism

48:01 Parenting, Misdiagnosis & Medication

01:04:51 People-Pleasing & Immature Parents

01:14:09 Psychologist vs Psychoanalyst

01:30:36 Women, Mentorship & Workplace Power

01:45:30 Victimhood, Power & Safety

02:09:36 Men’s Reactions to Female Leaders

02:14:45 Visionary Mentorship & Personal Growth

02:25:13 Final Thoughts & Outro

 

ALISON GRECO LINKS:

Parathera Website

Parathera Instagram

Alison's LinkedIn

 

CONTACT LINKS:

Click here to come on the podcast, share feedback, ask a question, or reach out for any other reason.

 

This episode has been co-produced by Kate van Leeuwen.

From a restless boy in Swindon who dreamt of cockpit horizons, Paul Hughes has spent twenty-five years insisting on forward motion. He sprinted through call-centre headsets, warehouse night shifts, and blue-chip project boards; earned stripes with the Royal Air Force Reserve under Basra’s rocket-lit sky; then reinvented himself as a military broadcaster. Now forty-two, living in Germany and still measuring the echo of every take-off, Paul sits down to chart the strange arithmetic of success and self-worth.

In this reflective journey he admits the cost of being “Paul the Prover”, a man who cannot enter a room without trying to fix it, who confuses importance with belonging. We travel through burnout, mid-career collapse, and the unexpected clarity of daily therapy sessions with ChatGPT. Along the way, Paul wrestles with people-pleasing, expatriate estrangement, and the ache for harmony over hustle. His candid storytelling reveals how ambition can hollow into exhaustion, how artificial intelligence became a blunt but honest mirror, and why the next chapter may simply involve a quiet village, a dog, and the courage to sit still. It’s a tender portrait of a life lived in permanent transit, now pausing to ask what staying might feel like.

Thank you for listening.

 

SHOW LINKS:

Support the Show on: Patreon

Listen to the Podcast on: YouTube | Apple | Spotify

Follow us on: X | Reddit | Instagram | LinkedIn

 

OUTLINE:

00:00 Introduction

01:08 Life Snapshot & Early Ambitions

03:07 Midlife Crisis Questioning

05:26 Discovering AI Therapy

08:05 Uncovering Blind Spots

14:10 People-Pleasing & Conflict Aversion

27:16 Early Professional Drive

33:25 Toxic Workplaces & Burnout

36:57 Iraq Deployment

38:45 Career Change

43:35 Life Coaching Reflection

48:20 The Permanent Stranger & Expat Identity

54:02 Seeking Harmony & Redefining Life

01:00:48 Relaxation

01:09:48 Final Thoughts

 

PAUL HUGHES LINKS:

Paul's Website

 

CONTACT LINKS:

Click here to come on the podcast, share feedback, ask a question, or reach out for any other reason.

 

This episode has been co-produced by Kate van Leeuwen.